Emotional Outburst & Stonewalling

Have you ever been emotionally invested in a sales call? I know I have. Guess what happens when we enter into a negotiation situation when we are emotionally involved?

You might be thinking, I'm an adult, so I can keep my emotions in check when I need to. But frankly, that assumption could be costing you and them top line revenues and gross margin.

We are all wired to get approval and communication from other people, even as children. Strategic negotiators will use this need against you to get better terms or get you talking. Please remember the 70-30 rule, listening vs. talking, in sales also applies in negotiations.

Two negotiating techniques favored by strategic negotiators rely on this. Emotional Outbursts and Stonewalling are tactics that depend on you reacting to their drama and, subsequently, people-pleasing to "get the sale" when it wasn't necessary.

So I'll ask again: do you know how emotions affect your bottom line?

The Ego States and Drama Triangle

At the heart of human interaction, particularly in high-stakes environments like negotiations, lies a complex interplay of ego states: the Parent, Adult, and Child. These states influence how we perceive and react to situations. The Parent state can manifest as critical or nurturing, the Adult is rational and objective, and the Child may be free-spirited or adapt to comply. Negotiators adept at maintaining their Adult ego state can navigate discussions with a balanced, non-emotional perspective, which is crucial for rational decision-making.

The drama triangle, comprising the roles of Victim, Rescuer, and Persecutor, further complicates interactions. We're often subconsciously drawn into these roles, especially the Rescuer, due to a deep-rooted desire to please others and avoid conflict. This inclination is a double-edged sword in negotiations, where being too eager to accommodate can undermine one's position. Recognizing these dynamics is the first step toward mitigating their influence, allowing us to respond from a place of strength rather than defaulting to people-pleasing behaviors.

Awareness of these ego states, controlling them, and knowing what to do when triggered are essential to negotiating and selling better.

Emotional Outburst

Imagine you're in a negotiation, and suddenly, your counterpart lashes out with an emotional tirade. This isn't just any disagreement; it's an over-the-top performance designed to throw you off balance. Your first instinct might be to apologize, retreat, or make concessions. Resist this impulse. Emotional outbursts are not personal attacks but calculated moves to manipulate the negotiation in their favor. When you get an out-of-this-world reaction, gather your own emotions and use this formula to respond:

Step 1: ARA (Acknowledge, Reassure, Ask)

• Acknowledge: "Gosh, I didn't mean to surprise you."
• Reassure: "I want this to be a clear, simple process for you."
• Ask: "Can you share specifics of what we need to address?"

Step 2: Struggle and Redirect

It is time to take what we've learned from listening, respond empathically, and redirect the conversation.

"I hear what you're saying, but I am struggling with where to go from here. Instead of walking away, would you be able to walk through and find where this went wrong?"

Step 3: Concessions (Give to Get)

Now is when we can move things forward, but not without value for ourselves.

"We have a couple of options here. We could decide that we cannot come to an agreement and part ways as friends. Or, we can adjust the proposal, change a few deliverables, and find a solution that works for everyone. What do you think makes sense for us today?"

Remember, this tactic doesn't have anything to do with you. It is a strategic move. The question becomes, how will you prepare and defend against it?

Stonewalling

Stonewalling is a great tactic when someone knows that "time" is a liability for you. This means that you want the deal to happen by the end of the month, and your buyer knows it and is using "time" as a source of leverage. When is the best time to buy a car?

In a business context, stonewalling could look like having a productive meeting, but suddenly, communication from the other side ceases without warning. Stonewalling, or ghosting, is designed to instill panic and insecurity, prompting you to make premature concessions to get the deal moving again.

Here is how to deal with it:

• Maintain a Full Pipeline: The best defense against stonewalling is ensuring it doesn't corner you into desperation. A healthy roster of prospects means you're less likely to make concessions out of fear of losing one deal.
• Send a Strategic Message: If faced with silence, craft a message acknowledging the lack of communication might be due to an oversight on your part, inviting them to clarify. This approach shows you're willing to engage but not desperate to concede.
• The "Close the File" Email: If silence persists, send a message expressing your confusion and outlining the potential next steps, including moving on. This often prompts a response, either reviving the negotiation or clarifying the prospect's position.

Negotiations are as much about maintaining your composure as they are about strategy and tactics. Emotional Outburst and Stonewalling are tests of your ability to stay calm under pressure and to keep the negotiation on your terms. Remember, the goal is not to win every round but to guide the negotiation to a mutually beneficial conclusion.

Stay focused, stay strategic, and, above all, stay in the conversation. The ability to navigate these choppy waters will set you apart as a negotiator and ensure you emerge from every negotiation stronger and more adept.

For more insights into mastering the art of negotiation, keep following our blog or check out my book, 'Negotiating from the Inside Out.' Here's to your success in negotiations and beyond!